Sleeping Outside

There's no way you will ever get to sleep. The worn fabric of the moldy sofa chair you are huddled in feels like ice under you. Your jeans and sweatshirt do nothing to protect you from the wind. You want to sleep so badly! You want to go to sleep and forget that you are hiding behind an empty house up the street; having run out of your house away from your drunk mother. She never remembered what she did when she was drunk. She'd ask you who you had been fighting with again? when she saw the bruises on your face and neck. She never believed you when you swore to her that it wasn't you who was calling family services, that it was the people at school when they saw your face all fucked up. She never believed you and it would cause her to go off drinking again.
You want to forget that it would be hours until you will feel safe that she has passed out on the couch, having run out of beer. You want to sleep and dream that you are normal 13 year old girl, that you have your own room in a house that has all of it's windows. In your dreams, your house has heat and you don't have to walk to the neighbor's to use their shower in the window. In your dreams, your friends come over and spend the night, and your mother isn't drunk in the other room.
At least the foster homes were nice houses. I even had my own room in one. The last one I was in, and the best. Sandy was a great woman. I wish I hadn't lost touch with her. She treated me like a person, and it was a shame I spent such little time with her.
Sometimes people need to stop taking so many things for granted sometimes, you know? Things could be worse. I'm writing about some unawesome things that happened to me, but at the same time I know it could have been worse. My life was never in danger, except from my own hand. I survived, and I am stronger and smarter from it. Some don't even get their lives. Some are too small to defend themselves, and they fall victim to the hands of cruel individuals. (I read an article about a three year old who was killed by his foster parents when they wrapped him in a blanket, taped his mouth shut, and locked him in a closet while they went to their family reunion. Horrible thing. I have a three year old. It crushes me.)

Summer Vacation

Ah, summer break. In the days leading up to the last day before break, the minutes seemed like hours, and the excitement never went away. It was like Christmas, but it lasted for three whole months. I was always excited about all the time I would have for reading, and the time I got to spend with my mother. (When she was around.) What kid doesn't love their summer vacations?
A foster kid doesn't. School is your escape, the only place where you can at least blend in a little; feel less like an outsider. School keeps you busy. Helps you push aways the depression and forget how lonely you are. When you're in school you don't get called away from a quiet book to clean your foster parents' sons' room; a room you never even go in. When you're in school you don't have to hear the sons outside laughing and playing with their friends why you are picking their dirty underwear off the floor so you can vacuum it.
When you're in school, your foster father won't burst into the the room and tell everyone to get ready, "We're going bowling!" You won't rush to get ready, excited at the thought of getting to go somewhere, getting to do something! You won't have to swallow your tears and dignity as you are told that "This is a private family day, no one said you were going....", then you watch out the window while they fill the van with the children and their friends. Who needs the foster kid to take up space in the car when it's better deserved for one more of the kids' friends? After all, this is family day, remember?
When you're in school, you won't drip tears all over the Christmas gifts you were instructed to wrap while the family was out bowling with friends for "private family day".
School was my only shelter. I dreaded summer vacation; all those days with no solace from the realities of my life. No friends-I moved too much. Besides, foster kids can't be trusted. If they run away or get in trouble, the foster parents claimed they would get in trouble, so never let me go anywhere. They say these things right to your face-"No you can't get a ride from a friend to school! No telling what kind of people you hang out with! You're not getting me into trouble because you wanna run away! You can't trust a foster kid. Next thing I know you've robbed me blind and taken off with your 'ride to school." I was 16 years old. The school bus came at 5:45 and I got to school at 7:00, where I went to the cafeteria and waited until class started at 7:50. My "ride to school" was a friendly girl who lived nearby and used to ride he bus with me. She knew how much it sucked to have to get up so early for bus ride that was more than an hour, then almost another hour waiting for school to start. She just got a car, and offered to let me ride with her. I would only have to walk two blocks away and I wouldn't have to leave the house until 7:00! My foster parents didn't care. I was just the 'foster kid', and it didn't matter that I had never done anything "wrong" at their house. I never talked back, I hardly ever even asked to go anywhere (I already knew the answer!); all I did was read my books and do my chores. I never stole anything from any home I was in, I was never violent, I didn't do drugs or drink-what made me so bad?
It was because I was a 'foster kid'. I wasn't an individual; I wasn't even given the dignity of having a sex! It's so pathetic to say, but back then, being called the 'foster girl' when introduced in public would have stung a little less.

Guilt

When you're a 'foster kid', you feel guilty. All the time; about everything. It's your fault your parent(s) mistreated you. It's your fault they don't love you. It's your fault no foster homes want you. It's your fault the homes you do go to treat you differently, like you're nothing. It's your fault for everything that goes wrong in your life.
When you're a foster kid, you're not allowed to make mistakes like a normal teenager would do. One small thing could cause you to be 'grounded' for months and months. One small thing could cause you to be thrown into a different city, school, 'home', in the blink of an eye. You have to be perfect, to prove everyone wrong about you. They expect the worst from you. You have to try and show everyone that you ARE worth something, that there IS hope and promise in your future.
Then, when you do mess up, you hate yourself. Everyone is so happy that they were right about you. They look you up and down, sneering. They call your caseworker and speak about you like you're just an animal; like you're not even sitting there.
Your self loathing grows. Just when you thought you were going to make a change. Just when you thought you were going to have a little self-respect & dignity. Just when you thought you may be able to try and live a somewhat 'normal' life. What's the point, anyways? Everyone already know all about you. They've been down this road with other foster kids before. The kids think they are something special when they're worthless like any other. All foster kids have too much 'baggage' to be normal. There's no way they'll amount to anything; they can't be trusted.

They are all right about you, you realize. No one is ever going to love you; no one will ever want you. No ones cares about you,or what happens to you. The depression is deep. Suicide hasn't crossed your mind yet, but it's still early. You have many more years of hell to help you take the first step on that path.

My White Oleander: A Foster Care Nightmare

Being in foster care for any amount of time is an indescribable experience. No one who has not experienced it personally can ever understand what it's like to live in so many strangers' homes, the feeling of abandonment, the emotional & physical abuse, the loneliness; never having a place to call home. Not knowing if you will be in the same city the next week; let alone the same school. It's impossible to make friends when you change schools three times in one year. Besides, how can you explain to vicious teenagers that you live in a foster home because you were abused and the state took you away?

Holidays are the worst. My foster families had their 'own' kids as well, and well spoiled they were! You sit alone in a corner, trying to take the absolute slowest amount of time in opening every small gift while trying to choke back your memories of your family, no matter the dysfunction. You will totally break down if you have to sit there for another hour with nothing more to open, watching the 'real family' celebrate their holiday with mounds of gifts.
White Oleander is the only movie that I have ever watched in my entire life that mirrored my own life. When the movie was released in 2002, I would have been 20 years old, the same age as Astrid in the end. Maybe I didn't get shot, but mental abuse is just as ruthless in it's damage as physical.

Halle Berry enjoys vomiting

People magazine did an interview with Halle Berry, where she discusses the side effects of growing a fetus in her uterus. Halle claims that she loves "every second" of being four months preggers: night sweats, morning sickness, vomiting...........everything feels so wonderful to her.

I have two kids, and I think Halle's hormones are going so crazy she's confusing feeling great and feeling miserable. Being ecstatic about your bump is one thing, but loving violently puking up that craving you just HAD to indulge in is just plain insane.

KFC manager kicks gunman's ASS!!

MSNBC.com reports on a Kentucky Fried Chicken manager in North Carolina who fought off an armed robber and saved his own life. The manager was trying to fulfill the gunman's demands, opening the safe when the robber hit him over the head with his rifle. Then the gunman attempted to murder the manger, firing the rifle right into the side of the man's head. But the gun didn't go off! Realizing that he was a mere instant away from death, the brave manager took action.

The KFC manager began attacking the gunman, trying to rip and kick the rifle out of his hands. They slip and slide all throughout the kitchen, struggling. The manager is whoopin' ass, and the gunman becomes the defender; doing all he can to keep from losing his weapon. I'll bet the manager would have shot out both of the robber's kneecaps, so he couldn't get away. Then, he would have repeatedly kicked the dude in his nuts until the cops get there. He probably wouldn't want to kill him because he would want him to suffer!

Anyways........ they struggle out of the camera's view, where MSNBC reports that they made it to the parking lot, where the would-be murderer escapes. Police dogs tracked him to a local cemetery, but he was never captured.

What kind of training courses is KFC giving their managers?! This dude rocks!

****Please click on the title of the post to watch MSNBC's video of the fight. You've GOTTA see it!!******

What is WRONG with this girl??

Two days ago I read how Britney Spears really wanted to "learn" how to be a good parent, and was faithfully attending parenting classes, she won overnight visits with her kids............now, the train has derailed yet again, leaving all hopeful Britney fans disappointed once more. TMZ had the exclusive on how Britney's visitation rights to her children were suspended because she failed to provide the drug-testing agency her contact information. I'm sure she's going to have her people feed us yet another bull story about how Britney 'didn't know any better...........' I can picture Britney cuddling her raggedy dog in one hand, a mocha Frappachino in the other, sitting in her car pantiless, flashing her razor burn, going........"Wha........they needed my address and phone number? Why didn't anyone tell me???"

Because it's common sense, you dolt! I understand that most of Hollywood views bad press as the best press; it keeps your name in the blogs longer. But she is getting ridiculous! It seems as though Britney decided she would incorporate every other starlet's headline grabbing bad behavior, add some ignorant parenting skills, and walk away with the booby prize: A "career" built on a lifetime of sad mistakes. Drinking, drugs, promiscuity, divorces: things that ruin regular people lives. Things that boost talentless people into riches. Tsk tsk on another of our society's double standards.

I had also read a report on Britney recently where an anonymous "friend" claimed that Britney told her she didn't give a shit about her kids and never wanted them in the first place. Even though distaste for Ms. Spears filled my palate, I concluded that was a bull story. Now, I figure it was probably true, after today's latest installment of Britney's Jeers.

Under Construction...........=0(

I don't know what is going on, but my website seems to have decided that it's not going to display half of my content. Trying to fix it...........

Death rates for Staph infections may top AIDS

According to a report by MSNBC, the antibiotic-resistant strain of staphylococcus Ares, is spreading throughout the nation at an alarming rate. This infection used to be mainly a concern for hospitals and doctor's offices, but now is a bigger concern for locker rooms, prisons, and 'poor urban neighborhoods'. I'd like to know what these doctors consider 'poor' and 'urban', from their offices on Manhattan Island.

In 2005, I personally caught a very bad staph infection; it spread into a small inset bite on my tummy. Then I caught another 'boil' on my shoulder. After less than three days, I was so sick I couldn't walk. I looked like I was pregnant in one side of my abdomen. My shoulder looked like someone had forced a golf ball under my skin, and both areas were an angry, hot red.

The doctor told me I had two insect bites that were infected; prescribed me some antibiotics, and told me to go to the ER if my raging fever wasn't gone within 24 hours. About two hours after my first dose of medicine, my shoulder became a little numb, and I felt almost a relieving warmth. I looked into the mirror, and discovered that the cyst on my shoulder had burst. There was a black hole the circumference of a pencil eraser in the middle of the red mass. Oozing from this disturbing black hole was the thickest, greenest pus you could ever imagine. I moved my shoulder in a little, and more puss poured out, thicker and faster. It was so disgusting.

My fever did not go down, and the other mass did not burst. I was so sick my boyfriend had to dress me for the hospital. The staph infection in my stomach was resistant to the antibiotics, and merrily spreading throughout my body. I had a cyst the size of a softball, at least; removed from my body. It left a gaping hole that I had to pack with gauze soaked in SALT water, and lowly pull out of the hole, three times a day. The gauze came out bloody and bright green, drawing the rest of the infection out of my body the way it came. It was so painful I screamed and screamed, returning to the hospital three more times in the next two days. I almost died.

After listening to my story, and taking into consideration the new reports on how fast these staph infections are spreading; makes you wanna wash your hands more, huh? But, alas- it may not help. Staph naturally lives on our skin and in our noses all the time. And if it begins to kill more people a year than AIDS, well, I think we have a true epidemic here, folks.

*Note: this is not a pic my staph hole, but it looks just like it, only smaller. After the mass is removed, this is what is left. Then you stuff it with gauze strips, and rip out the rest of the infection moving through your body.

Lindsey Lohan Broke!

News of the World's Georgina Dickinson is reporting that our favorite alleged snow-blowing Disney starlet has lost most of her fortune due to partying. Apparently, Miss Lohan is so broke that she is staying at the home of an executive producer on the film, I Know Who Killed Me, because she can't even afford her own home anymore.

News of the world attributes her financial slump to legal fees for her car accidents and DUI charges; her three different rehab stints, and million-dollar hotel bills. Lindsey reportedly sold her million-dollar New York flat and her $2.85 million dollar apartment in New York because she couldn't pay the mortgages.

I don't know if this is true or not, but she must have been supplying the entire Columbian cocaine cartel to be 'completely broke' after just a couple of years. I mean, every time I turn around she is in a new movie. Assuming, of course, that the movie producers pay her with money. I wouldn't be surprised if they just promised to let her wear five different teeny bikinis at the next cast party, and take pictures on their camera phones for the media.

T.I.'s Bodyguard had better join witness protection

MSNBC reports that rapper T.I. was arrested Saturday on gun charges, just a few hours before he was scheduled to appear at the BET Hip-Hop awards.

Clifford Harris, aka T.I., is charged with possession of unregistered machine guns and silencers, in addition to possession of firearms by a convicted felon. Hence, the reason why Mr. Harris had his bodyguards attempt to purchase additions to his collection. The bodyguard, what a genius he is-personally got the case rolling when he began questioning a firearms dealer on how he can purchase the weapons without the required registration. The law-abiding firearms dealer called Atlanta ATF agents and told them about the bodyguard's inquiries.

The ATF agents arrested the bodyguard after he attempted to purchase the guns and silencers from an undercover one of their own. Mr. Loyal Bodyguard began to sing like a canary, and told ATF agents the guns were for T.I.'s collection.

What a dumb-ass dude! The bodyguard (whose name is under-wraps, how surprising) has only worked for T.I. since July of this year. Can anyone say "Mysterious Disappearance"? Damn snitches!

story courtesy of http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21283987/

Battery powered shirts are the way of the new millenium

Computer geeks unite with a T-shirt that detects Wi-Fi hotspots. Yahoo! reports that there is now a shirt available that lights up (powered by three AAA batteries sewen into the shirt) when you enter wireless territory.

And they say that Americans are getting lazier. Pshaw! Who needs to open his or her laptop to see if they can start surfing? An electrical piece of clothing is so much more efficient!

http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/patterson/7009

Killer pumpkins are attacking!! Lock your doors! Hide your....um, other pumpkins?

Well, OK. You got me there. Killer Pumpkins aren't really on any rampages throughout our cities. But it got your attention, right? And this pic is just too awesome for a plain headline. Somehow, "Aw, look how talented these pumpkin carvers are!" doesn't have the same emotive force as the picture of yourself running down the street with a carnivorous jack-o-lantern at your heels.



Extreme Pumpkins.com are obsessed with only the most horrific jack-o-lanterns. Seriously, some are downright scary.

Credit for these pictures goes to my friends at
http://www.extremepumpkins.com/pumpkinphotos.html Visit them for more Halloween fun!

Man eating catfish reportedly caught in China

Rumors started flying across the world when these photographs showed up on the Web. According to www.snopes.com, claims were made that this was a catfish that was caught after an inspection of a water reservoir. Supposedly, some people disappeared after swimming in the reservoir, and they found this gigantor. When a dissection was performed, they found human remains inside.

But my friends at Snopes have cracked the case again. According to them, this is really just a whale shark, and some random innards happen to look a little like a saggy human hindquarters and lower limbs. Pretty gross stuff, if you ask me.

Here's the one that I assume is supposed to be 'human remains.'

courtesy of http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/giantcatfish.asp

Um, has this guy ever heard of racism?

According to FOX News, a DJ in Detroit has had a change of mind about a massively intelligent idea for a club promotion. You see, this genius decided that allowing 'light-skinned' black women into his club for free would make him the apple of Motor City's eye.

After being attacked from people all over the country (what a shocker!!) this brainiac's defense was this:

"I didn't mean to offend anyone," he said. "I had planned a party for other shades (of black women). We were going to take a shade of color each week. Next week was going to be a party for 'Sexy Chocolate' and the week after that ‘Sexy Caramel.'”

What a smooth talker this one is! Now he claims he is planning a charity function to smooth over all of the hubub. Or, as I like to call it, kissing ass. Way to go Mr. DJ SmartyPants!!

Halloween

In honor of the holiday spirit, I thought I'd share this spooky site. Take a tour of a haunted mansion without leaving home! I think this is good for a family fright, but it may scare younger children. I haven't checked out the whole site yet, but it looks pretty awesome for some Halloween fun. I can't wait until my boys are older, and can enjoy the spirit of Halloween more.
Click the link below to go right to the mansion, and then browse through the courtyards, graveyards, the pumpkin patch, and more. PS~The music is one of my favorite parts!






http://www.virtualhauntedmansion.com/ Credit for finding this site goes to www.ghostdroppings.com

Jon Stewart is the most intelligently witty person ever!

Hyperbole on my end, I know. But the title is also my opinion. I think Jon Stewart is so funny, so I decided to create the beginning of a series of posts titled "Jon Stewart. (Working title) So, of course one of the first places I headed for Jon Stewart vids: YouTube.

A title that caught my eye was Jon Stewart hosting the 2002 Emmy Awards. I began watching it, and quickly decided I wanted to post it here. Interestingly enough, the first person he introduces, is none other than the bald coochie parading, queen of celebrity slander: Ms. Britney Spears. Now, remember folks-this was '02, and apparently we all loved and adored her then. After all, she she brought in the "We love young girls naked everywhere we look!" era that America is in. And we wonder why Britney displays her vagina a couple of times a week for press: it's the only thing America hadn't seen on her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC5NBGx00H4

Bushisms

I was 'surfing the web' and I came across this website http://www.coolfunnyquotes.com/, and found some....well, let's just say 'interesting'quotes by George W. Bush.

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush

"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George बुश

http://politicalhumor।about.com/library/blbushisms.htm

Since this is the site I obtained these below quotes from, they are the ones to visit for the information on how our beloved president used them. Actually, the origin of Bush stating these 'ideas' does not make them seem any less stupid. Sometimes, the origns made them more stupid.

"My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions."

"As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured."

"I've got God's shoulder to cry on. And I cry a lot. I do a lot of crying in this job. I'll bet I've shed more tears than you can count, as president."

"I'm going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I'm smart on the subject."

"This process has been drug out a long time, which says to me it's political."

"Bush goes to Hel. That's what a lot of people want." --George W. Bush, on his visit to the Hel Peninsula, Gdansk, Poland, Jun. 8, 2007

"There's a lot of blowhards in the political process, you know, a lot of hot-air artists, people who have got something fancy to say."

"Information is moving -- you know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it's also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets."

Here are a few others I found most interesting.

• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  
  
• Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
  
• The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
• When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein
• Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• The road to success is always under construction.
• Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
• Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!
• Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

Alligator kills 83 year old woman in Georgia

The Georgia Department of Natural Resources sent licensed alligator trapper Jack Douglas to Savannah, Georgia to capture an alligator suspected in a woman's death.

Autopsy results confirmed that 83 year old Gwen Williams died from blood less from injuries consistent with an alligator attack. One of her arms, her other hand, and one foot was missing.

It was confirmed that the alligator captured was the one who committed the attack when the contents of its stomach were examined.

According to senior wildlife biologist Jim Simmons, at the Georgia department of Natural Resources, this is the first death by an alligator in Georgia in 27 years.

How awful! To survive all the health threats in our society, only to have your golden years torn away by a horrible accident such as this. I hope it is true that they did catch the 'gator that did this. I may sound cruel, but a child will look like an easy snack after killing an adult; even if it is an elderly woman.

Story courtesy of MSNBC.com: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21243716/

Britney Spears is NOT fat!!

Look, I 've never been a big fan of Britney. She is beautiful, there's no denying that-but she doesn't have a good singing voice. All of her songs are synthesized. How can you even attempt to lip-sync seriously when the voice you are synching sounds like an over-sexed asthmatic computer?

But- all that criticism she got over how she looked at the VMA's is absolutely DISGUSTING! So what she doesn't have rock hard abs anymore? The girl had two kids in under two years. I know people that have no kids and would KILL to look like Britney does now. I have a son who will be three in less than two weeks, and a son that will be one in about a month. I am back into a size three (was a size one) am I am happy. But, even though Britney probably has a good twenty pounds on me, I would kill to have her body.

Aren't we supposed to be going out of the unhealthy, unattainably perfect body phase the nation is in? Aren't we noticing how this attention is effecting our teenagers growing up? We are giving young girls the example that even though a woman just had two babies, she needs to bounce back immediately. We are teaching our young boys that this is the definition of beauty, and this is what they should want: The media created sex-goddess.

Why are curves and motherhood such criticizing points for the media?



I don't see how she is so fat. Maybe she could have gone up a size in the bikini; it seems kinda binding. But she IS NOT FAT!! Her broken nail grossed me out way more than her body. So what she isn't a size zero anymore? Her weight is proportioned: nice boobs, nice ass. When I gain weight, it all goes to my tummy. Britney's tummy may not be a 12 pack anymore, but her skin is all firm. Hell, I'm not a lesbian but I'd like to grab a handful of her ass, just to see what a real curvy ass feels like. Sadly, I have to flat white-girl ass curse. But, I don't have mosquito bites for tits, either.

How come things like this are fine, but we attack her for putting on weight after having kids?


So, being almost completely nude all over the place is OK, but don't you DARE still have some baby weight a whole year later!

And how old is she here? 17? 18? 19? Let us also remember a little program called PHOTOSHOP as well, folks. NOT EVERYONE IN PICTURES REALLY LOOKS LIKE THAT!

Sorry, Britney. Apparently, this is all you're good for. Well, and the hatin' by all the jealous women.

School Woes

So, this week in my critical thinking class we are learning about rhetorical devices and fallacies in persuasive writing. Basically, this class is teaching me how to argue more effectively (like I need that, just ask my boyfriend!) and how others' arguments deserve not to be accepted. Pretty awesome, huh? So the next time I am arguing with someone, I can just respond, "Whatever! You're just using a smokescreen to try and distract me from the real issue." Or, "That doesn't make any sense because it is a question-begging argument!" No one will know how to respond because I'm sure they won't even know what I am talking about.
And, I get to win every argument. So, in a way I paid a little more than a thousand dollars to be taught how to win arguments.

George Bush Sr. is intolerant of other religious views

George H.W. Bush, as presidential nominee for the Republican party; 1987-AUG-27: "No, I don't know that Atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God." courtesy of www.religioustolerance.org/atheist.htm

I almost didn't believe what I read there. Almost.